Archive for the ‘Dealing with Depression’ Category

Are you aware that there are thousands of articles written on this subject? I am sure that adding one more won’t hurt a bit. One other thing to make sure we address is that I do have the last word on anything, yet we can all benefit by learning more about this topic.
Major depression is a brain disease affecting this organ of the body. It is the headquarters, the think tank and control center which will and can have a direct impact on what we think, emotions we have and then instructing us on what to do. Anyone affected by this can have bitter feelings about that, especially getting into conflict with their loved ones. The blue moods, mood swings and general overall behavior can be difficult to be around them and the first thing we have a tendency to do is to forget to bring empathy to these situations.
Generally a combination of medicine and counseling is needed to work through whatever is helping to create the depression being felt. Being deliberate about taking meds helps to alleviate the tense situations which can arise. Depression can also be a genetic link to other members of their family as well. Some people will choose to mask this and cover it up so as to not let people become aware of their condition, for fear of the labeling and judgmental attitude which can be perpetrated by others.
This is just a quick snapshot of the more intense part of people living with depression. There is so much for all of us to learn to bring more attention to this issue.
Clinical depression is often referred to when thinking, behavior, medicine, continuing mood swings, become part of one’s daily routine. From 10-12 million people\suffer from this and is not something they did to deserve or would choose to have. This is similar to a liver condition or heart condition which can happen for no particular reason. We may refer to this as an illness but is never to be considered a weakness. Ironically it takes a considerable amount of strength to bear up under the pressure of what a depressive illness can bring about. They cannot just “snap out of it” like most people may suggest. A more positive and helpful way to refer to someone is “having depression” as opposed to being depressed. Too many times this can lead to thoughts and feelings of suicide, also eventually “dying” of suicide.
A question to ponder is, why is it that some folks attempt suicide who are going through a very tough life struggle when others who are faced with the same dilemma work their way through it okay? What makes them more able to find a healthier resolve when some can only come up with a plan for dying?
Becoming aware of symptoms, which there are many and too numerous to list, and having a caring attitude can help support the larger percentage of people affected by this condition. We can suggest more proper avenues for treatment and help them move beyond this.
There is a larger approach we all can bring to this subject and that is to release all judgments, becoming more proactive about getting involved. That means to remain calm with a concerned approach, which signals to them that they can confide in you, no matter what. There is a stigma connected with depression that folks will go to the limits to hide this and we have to help make that right for them. Just think if we or a family member of ours had this same condition to have to live with.
John Lennon said it best, “The love you take is equal to the love you make”.

Have you ever experienced what we as a society refer to as normal deaths? Medical problems, car crashes, homicides, accidents etc? When someone dies of a result of these, there is a very visceral reaction as we lose people to sudden deaths. It is a shock to our system, yes, however we can generally have a focus for our anxiety, anger, possibly hatred because a loved one has been taken from us.
Now we will unexpectedly get the news a friend, relative, neighbor, co-worker or immediate family member takes their own life and what are we supposed to do with all of these emotions we are now confronted with? You immediately become a member of a club you wouldn’t have otherwise joined, that being a suicide survivors group. You now will be faced with searching out the why’s, if only’s, who, what, where, when particulars of this individuals death.
As lonely and individual as working through grief is, a suicide death leaves you in a completely different zone to heal in. To have experienced multiple suicides in your life
does not necessarily steel you against the loss of another because we care so deeply about people in our lives.
Survivors begin to feel different early on because of guilt, responsibility, dependability, control, avoidance, manipulation—all issues which are part and parcel remnants after a loss to suicide.
As a now suicide survivor you will become different as the shock to your system is very telling. We look to determine what our focus is going to be centered on to begin understanding the nature of the loss. Many people are affected by guilt because they believe with all of their being they “should have” seen it coming. Guess what? Other survivor’s who knew their loved one was struggling and thought this might happen, saw it coming and they still felt guilty for not having been able to stop it. Some do, however only temporarily. You begin to hear information about depression, brain chemical imbalance, neurotransmitters and other medical related jargon. Bottom line, you just want them back.
Seeking out specific help to begin resolving a suicide death is very important because of the language survivors use to heal their grief. Awareness, education, new consciousness of terms and phrases—died of suicide not committed; unintentional ignorance—other’s responses and reactions to you which now are different yet they know not what they are doing to you; walking wounded-having to function like nothing happened; silent grief and delayed grief-not wanting to share with others because they haven’t had your experience and intentionally or unintentionally burying your grief until such a time when you decide to deal with it or it decides to deal with you. Many times emotions pick us—we do not pick them. These are just a drop in the bucket of the different terminology used to begin healing after a loss to suicide.
Can grief be complicated after a suicide? Yes! So many survivors suffer alone and in silence because of the few avenues of support and services which are available.
PLEASE know with work and assistance from others you can work past this because you owe to yourself first to heal from this trauma and fully reengage life and others again. Many, many people have done this work and please know you are able to do it to.

Here are a number of thoughts and suggestions on different ways to go through grief. There are no absolutes, however with as many people who are new to the grief process, hopefully these will set some guidelines on helping you deal with it.

RECOGNIZE YOUR LOSS AND PAIN
Some people talk about accepting your loss and maybe the best approach is to acknowledge and recognize it first. No one has to accept anything until they are ready. Do what gets you through the day.

ALLOW THE PAIN AS DYING IS PART OF LIVING
We all will experience death at some point in our life. Sooner or later you will be confronted with it and the earlier we get in touch with it the quicker you begin healing and you get control of your life back.

STAY CONNECTED AND DO NOT ISOLATE
Everyone grieves over the same life lost differently. Share all of what you can with one another. The process is made easier when you allow others to help carry your load.

KNOW YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS
We know loss is for good yet the intense grief is temporary. You will work through and beyond this to heal.

ALLOW A GOOD CRY
Let those tears flow freely. There are toxins which build up in your tear ducts which have to be released. This will permit you to feel better for awhile until the next crying jag comes in. There will come a time when tears will dry and you will cry less.

DRINK LOTS OF WATER
During grief, we need to drink enough water to keep our bodies well hydrated. We need this more than ever during this time to remain healthy.

PERMIT YOUR DEPRESSION
Feel your feelings and set your boundaries. This can be healthy. Only be concerned if you become a recluse and refuse to reengage life and people again.

TALK TO THE DECEASED
Speaking to your loved one is extremely helpful, normal and is not a sign of being crazy.

OWN YOUR GRIEF

Refuse to let anyone take away your grief. This is a process to go through, it has happened to you and you deserve the right to heal in your own time.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Rest. Nourish. Drink (proper liquids). Keep a schedule when possible. Know your life will return, albeit it will have changed.

These are just a handful of ideas to help you plan an approach to wellness. To grow, to learn, to feel while knowing you can effectively heal, as a result of doing this work. It is work so be gentle with yourself. You will grow and you will survive.