Archive for the ‘Death of children’ Category

One of life’s cruelest situations to have to come to terms with is that of a death of a child. If anything eveer seems to go against natures grain it would be this. A life situation going backwards when a child to precedes their parents in death. One day a vibrant, carefree, spirited and fun loving person and the next day gone. Now this has to deal with sudden death, however, whether sudden or a prolonged illness before the death, either way, parents die a thousand times with their remembrances during their grief.
Life becomes an absolute blur in many ways. One parent has explained it as, “taking a hiatus away from life”.
All of the well meaning statements of support grieving families receive from family and friends, seem to fall on deaf ears. “Time heals”-no time just passes and goes by. “Someday you will get over this”, no, this is not something you get over as much as it is learning how to live without my child now.
Two of the toughest days in the year to work through are Mothers Day and the child’s birthday. This just creates more pain, grief and angst. Many times the replaying of the scenes in a hospital, or the scene of an accident, just play over and over in the parents mind like a nightmare movie. Everyone will grieve the child’s loss in their own way. Whichever mode of grief people select, it has to be right for them, no matter how much we may disagree.
Regardless of the nature of the death, guilt is usually a prevailing irritant and a block to successful grieving. A child who dies of cancer will have the parents looking for something during pregnancy or what they fed their child to take the blame. Eventually with an effective approach to their grief, a number of these issues will become easier to come to grips with. People back away from their church community, family, friends, even the graveside itself.
All of the material ever written on this subject could never stipulate a one size fits all approach as how to heal with the loss of a child. To understand that this type of death makes no sense, attempting to make sense out of a senseless situation is totally fruitless. It only exacerbates the grief and prolongs it. Seeking a formula or some strategy for grief can be found in support groups where others are putting their life back together to create a new way of functioning, now without their child. This can be accomplished with work, although it will be one roller coaster ride of emotions. As and when you begin your walk of grief on this journey, take in as much intellectual information which will help you deal with the sometimes uncontrollable flood of emotions.
Know that with the right support and people helping you through it you can survive this and move healthily into a new way of living.