One of the many aftershocks of grief comes when a couple have finalized their divorce papers. Whether you filed or the other person, the fact that the marriage as you knew it is now history. Yes, generally the more intense grief will belong to the party who did not want the divorce.
Everyone does have an emotional side to them (I believe some women will disagree with this about men) but feelings have a hard time escaping us. We tend to outrun them but when we slow down we see that they are just two steps in back of us. To insinuate that we just did not care like we “should” have is no explanation at all.
To confront our feelings no matter what they are, will help to keep all of us grounded in truth. Just to admit that we may have some grief from a failed marriage, which each of you had a part in building, only helps to allow both parties to continue on in life, wishing each other well. Aren’t we human enough to at least grant them this?
If indeed there were children involved they are going to have some real heavily laden grief feelings about this division. Unfortunately they have the unique way of coming up with the personal responsibility of having caused the divorce. If they just would not have asked for that new bike Mom and, Dad would not be arguing about money. If the paint they spilled staining the carpet would not have happened Mom and Dad would not have argued so much causing them to split up. They do posses the absolute unique ability to figure out how because of something they did or said their parents are not together anymore. Work things out the best you can so the unfinished business left behind isn’t given to the children to resolve.
With today’s divorce rate being upwards towards 50-60 % that means there are a lot of folks doing their best to hold the fabric of what is left of their family together. At the expense of the feelings of everyone concerned, we want to inoculate everyone from the feelings of “not enough—not worth enough, not valued enough, not thought about enough or not considered enough. That is just a blip on the radar of a few things humans can come up with yet there are so many more.
Divorce is difficult and it can be ugly. Everyone involved will put together another life after wards but just do your best to finish what was started, giving all concerned the best and cleanest start in moving forward in their life. Any questions loved ones have to help ease them with the grief for moving forward will help tremendously.
I realize this is just a thumbnail sketch of an otherwise very complicated situation. Anything we can do to address some very obvious pointers will help all involved grieve accordingly and effectively.