When we encounter grief as a result of a life situation, how many of us have been given a “road map” so to speak to be able to navigate our way through it effectively?

I ask this question because of having learned about grief over 23 years ago. I was so ill equipped to handle the death of a family’s 17 year old granddaughter who I was very good friends with. What added insult to injury was the fact she had taken her own life. That in itself complicated this new sense of grief that now had become my biggest nemesis.

When initially confronted by a grief experience, we learn quickly that whatever we hold true about being in control of our lives can be instantly shattered. All of these raw emotions begin to overtake us and unless we have been sufficiently been role modeled as to how we express this new pain, unfortunately we have a strong tendency to “act things out.”

When grief first enters our life, pushing it aside, down, away etc. are all options chosen by many, however to let it in and learn from it can become such a gift in a round about way.

Feeling grief emotions can only bring truth, openness and reality to what you are going through. We learn how to bend, realizing we will never break. We discover tears are an opportunity to release built up toxins and we feel better afterwards. We give of our self to others to help support them also in their time of need. Going through this we find folks to share our feelings with to help carry our load. Sharing our concerns for others only helps us to nurture our own self at such a time with what we are experiencing.

Remember–emotions choose us at these sensitive times, we do not choose them. Also–we all have heard about the varied stages of grief which are all possibilities we may encounter. Reality says we are all as different as our fingerprints as we will be in handling our grief. Just know that grief is not constant because if it were it would kill us. There is not a schedule that you and grief are on. When it appears, do your best not to fight it. Let this toxic, poison out and do not let it fester down deep inside.

We are not on any time table to go through grief or there is a norm to measure up against. The time you are going through will help to heal you. Take extra special care of yourself at this time and allow others to help shoulder your load.

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