Because we are all mostly creatures of habit, certain things happen in life which send us into reactionary mode. Whether that may be reflective of a person, an event or a group of people, making a choice to be angry can be very easy for us to select. Now, in saying that, I know there are some who may say, “What do you mean Bob I chose to be angry, what he/she said made me angry”? Well, no one makes us do anything that we do not allow. Somehow we forget about that and we put others in charge of our feelings. I am aware of the resistance to this issue, however with a new and different focus, a new mindshift can happen.
There is a lot to be said about emotions choosing us, as we do not choose them. This is especially true when it comes to either intense, overwhelming, sudden grief regarding a traumatic event OR to feel a wave of joy and warmth witnessing a very pleasurable situation.
When going through grief, emotions are very real and common, as it relates to one’s own experience.There can be many factors of a situation which usually determines what grief pattern you may feel: the age and manner of death; the relationship you had with the deceased; your spirituality and God; past experiences with grief; your personality makeup; your focusing ability; avenues of support available and a host of others. These just give you an overview of how no one can accurately judge or instruct someone on how to grieve.
The anger people have, when grief suddenly appears, can have an adverse effect on one’s healing. Whether the anger is directed at the deceased, the event, others, self, etc., a grievers anger can be all consuming. Anger is a feeling and okay to feel. Even though there are justifiable times to be angry, deep seated hatred and resentments can physiologically attack one’s immune system. Anger becomes a learned reaction and as a newly bereaved person, experiencing unhealthy grief can generate disastrous results, the longer you continue down this path. Finding a way to settle these scores can create new beginnings of acceptance and forgiveness. Both of these become gifts you give to yourself first and then to others. It may be easier said than done, understood, however all situations have endings and beginnings. Once you can let go of your anger, you make room for new growth and change to take place-i.e. peace, joy, contentment, love etc.
Having to go through grief is tough enough on everyone, without piling anger and other hurtful reactions on top of it.
Deaths-all types, physical and symbolic have something to teach us. We just need to sit at the feet of our life experiences and be taught by it.

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